


Coping (Mostly)

by oopsabird



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alcohol, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Drabble, Drinking, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 20:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopsabird/pseuds/oopsabird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is getting over it <em>(in a way)</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coping (Mostly)

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble-ish, different writing style than my usual work. Angst and sadness, not a fic for those who want to be cheered up. Can be viewed in various ambiguous lights in regards to the relationships, time setting, and even which version of Holmes Canon this is set in; it's up to you really.
> 
> Well, this is unexpected! This popped into my head on the bus to school yesterday, and I typed it up on my phone while I waited for the painting studio to open. I suppose this breaks my streak of entirely happy Sherlock fics, doesn't it? Ah well. It was bound to happen at some point!
> 
> See end notes for warnings/disclaimers!

John is getting much better ( _on the outside_ ).

It's been well over a year now, and he's functioning quite well these days, compared to the months immediately after, when he was a dead man walking ( _and wished he was just a dead man_ ).

He has new friends now ( _no best friend; that place is forever taken_ ), and a few hobbies ( _dull, ordinary pursuits_ , and he spends far less time sitting alone in his new flat ( _contemplating how alone he feels in the world_.

But sometimes ( _often_ ) there are moments, the times when someone delivers the punch line of a funny story, John laughs, everyone else laughs, and he looks beside him expecting to see that familiar amused-but-denying-it smirk ( _the one that haunts his dreams_ ), and instead there's the face of someone else, red and roaring with laughter, where  **he** ought to be ( _and was always meant to be_ ), and for half a moment he feels all the loss of that day come back like a punch in the gut ( _or an impact on pavement_ ).

And he'll shove it down inside ( _fight it, soldier_ ), and keep smiling, but when he laughs next, it will sound hollow and false ( _empty, like the rooms on Baker Street_ ).

And his friends might see, but they've learned by now that nothing can truly help him in moments like this, so they order another round and hope the next drink can ease the pain ( _they know this routine by heart, the cycle of hurt-pretend-drink-forget_ ).

And John will knock it back, and relish in the burn of the liquor as it starts to drown the burning of his heart ( _he wonders sometimes if he shouldn't just let the flames consume him instead_ ).

And for a little while, the memories will fade to a blur, and so does the world, and he can breathe again ( _he wishes at times that he could just stop, just give it up for a while_ ).

John is getting better ( _not really_ ), but sometimes ( _so very often_ ) there are moments.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Trigger warning for use of alcohol. Could be considered Reichenbach spoilers, but it's fairly ambiguous so... interpret however you like.
> 
> Disclaimer: If I owned Sherlock, we'd have season three by now.
> 
> There you have it! Feel free to let me know what you think!


End file.
